pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
