ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Your shirt... Was in my pants
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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