i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
