Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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