Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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