i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
