i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I need moral support for this bender
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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