Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
