Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
