i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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