i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
The adults are the big ones right?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
