It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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