omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
