I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
17 year olds will be the death of me.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
