I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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