Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Randomize
