i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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