break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
