and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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