thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
