i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
