Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
