I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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