Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
me + whiskey = a bad person
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
