Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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