"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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