okay pat passed out under dana's car
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
