she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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