Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
