Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
