What did we do last night that was yellow?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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