So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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