i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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