Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
