If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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