Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
NoShamevember. You game?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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