Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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