what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Everyone says I win the strip club
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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