I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
just tell him i said nine months
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
