i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
