i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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