Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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