she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
