I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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