WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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