either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
