apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
