Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
