Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
