He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
