are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
